Some things can be learned from tourists (said begrudgingly)

I’m always hating on tourists – saying things like they’re so annoying and they need to move out of my way, which they are, and they do, but let’s be real: tourists have feelings too (although I’d prefer to pretend they don’t because, well, they’re tourists).

Tourists are as annoying to me on the sidewalk as I am to my Instagram followers when I post a selfie. This doesn’t mean I can’t learn from them (just like my Instagram followers can relearn of my flawless jawline every time my selfies find a way onto their feed).

What can tourists teach us?

What not to do:

- Don’t stand. Don’t stand in the middle of the sidewalk. Don’t stand directly at the bottom of the stairs. Don’t stand on the left side of an escalator. Don’t stand right in front of a door. Don’t stand in the middle of the street when the light is green because you’re not paying attention. Really? These aren’t even New York things, they’re everywhere things.

- Don’t hold a map. If you’re going to be lost in the Big City, at least have the human decency to be looking at a map on your smart phone so we all just think you’re narcissistic like the rest of us. Paper maps are as outdated as The Land Before Time series. Can we seriously stop making those already? WE GET IT: There was once a land before time. Dinosaurs lived there. Then they died. Moving on.

- Don’t hail just any cab. Dear Out-of-towners, you look like fools when you have your hand up for any, and every, yellow cab that comes strolling past. I understand that it can be confusing with the different light combinations to tell which are free and which are not. For that I pass no judgement. I do judge; however, when you fuss and moan and shake your head saying, “I can’t catch a cab in this town,” when all the cabs that you’ve waved down aren’t available. Please, stay classy.

What to do:

- Stop and smell the roses. Totes OMG so mad at myself for being so cliche right now. But it’s true. I’ve lived in New York for over a year and I’ve never: been to the Met or the MOMA, gone to a Yankees game, taken a picture with the LOVE statue in Midtown, among countless other New Yorky things. But I still claim to be #sonewyork.

- Be kind. Tis true, tis true – New Yorkers have a reputation for being “rude” – it’s not that we’re rude, per say, we just… don’t have an interest in making a personal/ emotional connection or investment in you. Just because we don’t smile or speak to you in a full sentence does mean we’re complete a$$holes (wow, I’m not even convincing myself anymore). Okay, we can probably cheer up a bit and be happy – like tourists (except they’re on vacation and we’re not).

- Enjoy the City for all it’s worth. Often times when tourist blast through the City they really hit the town. They go to shows, take cabs, and go to fancy dinners. I watch Hulu, ride the M96, and go to Popeye’s Chicken and Biscuits.

There are many things New Yorkers do better than tourists (DUH – because we’re New Yorkers and we live in the center of the world and we are the center of the world and we’re better than everyone else ever), but there are a few things that tourists do better than New Yorkers.

Ask me in person and I’ll deny it.